200 Pounds at 21

(Part 4/10) By 21, my life felt completely unraveled.

That summer, my sister-in-law passed away from cancer. Three days later, my great-grandmother (and favorite person) passed away too. I was devastated, grieving, and unsure how to process it all. Instead of facing it, I ran. I paused my college degree and left for Oklahoma to help open Five Guys restaurants, thinking a change of scenery and constant work would somehow numb the pain.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved my experience in Oklahoma. I actually loved my job and loved the people I got to work with and meet. But this was also one of the heaviest season of my life.

I was working 16-hour days with no days off. I ate one large meal a day, always washed down with cherry Coke. The rest of the time, I was on my feet in the restaurant. That was my movement, my fuel, my life.

I never had time to stop and look in the mirror. I never weighed myself. I just kept going, disconnected from my body and my emotions. Looking back, I realize I was dissociated. Two years of my life passed in a blur.

Then came the moment that shook me. One day at work, an employee called me “fat.” Another person tried to defend me by saying I was “just pregnant.” And, I wasn’t. I tried to joke and laugh it off. But I was seriously thrown. I had been an athlete my whole life and while I was always self-conscious, I didn’t think I would ever hear someone else say that about me.

I excused myself, went to the bathroom, and cried. After a few minutes, I wiped my tears, pulled myself together, and went back to work. The next day, I looked at myself in the mirror (like, actually looked) for the first time in years. I stepped on the scale and it read 198 pounds. The thought of being that close to 200 pounds was terrifying to me. I was shocked. I had previously been in the range of 120-140. So I had gained over 50 pounds, in a blink!

That was my rock bottom. It was the moment I realized I could not keep living the way I was. Something had to change. I was angry at the “fat” comment. But I also thank them. Because their comment woke me up to what I had been ignoring.

Have you ever had a moment where someone’s words hit you harder than you expected?

Coach Liz